Ooookay, so I'm pretty sure the world went "Hey! Let's act completely BIZARRE today to make Camille go absolute bonkers and think she's crazy....." Pajama Day during the PSATs which were....maybe not nearly as bad as I was fearing! Which is the first totally insane thing....

Then we went to Chemistry AP which was quite evil because Mrs. Doherty decided, "Hey! The PSATs were today?! NO WAY. Let's learn the hardest concept that we're going to have all year today! You guys are up to it...." and that was impossible, but I think my dead brain is maybe possibly maybe probably not but maybe starting to comprehend it. Then she gave back the Chemistry tests and was like, "Phenomenal job, Camille." And I'm like....wtf? Because I was certain I had fucked up the test because it was eerily not difficult. So I look down and see 96 over top of the 100 thingy and a giant smiley face and I'm like, "Mrs. Doherty, I think you gave me the wrong test! According to this, I didn't just pass, I got an A." "Yes, Camille, that's right." "Are you sure you didn't misgrade or something, because I'm really quite sure I did horribly...." *Mrs. Doherty laughs* It was WEIRD.

Then lunch was just....insane. Emily said that she is not only coming to Homecoming, but she's going to wear a dress! She and Kelly were teasing Bill all throughout lunch and the conversation turned....ugly. Apparently Bill has 5 doezn girlfriends and got them all impregnated during a 300 min. period. Yeah. Don't ask. They were joking around but....::shrug:: It was weird. Calculus was hellish, per usual, and then French was oddly evil in that we had a quiz that NO ONE understood the information for.....Oh well.

Then there was a cute segment with Bill and I when I was leaving and then I got to COME HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES!!! Weeiirirrrdddd.....

And now I have almost no homework, save for typing up an English essay....so it's all good.

HOMECOMING SATURDAY!! I'm PUMPED. Bill can't come.... *tear* but my DRESS IS AMAZING!! And weird, but AMAZING.

<3 you all.

Whoever designed the concept of responding to Chemistry questions with essays should be forced to answer them for the rest of eternity and see just how "fun" it is. This week has been hellishly difficult and I really just....need a chance to breathe. But it doesn't look like it'll happen this weekend.....

Friday: Maryland Madness at College Park. Stayed up til midnight after we got back, working on the English essay that I still haven't finished.

Saturday: Chemistry essays. English essay. PSAT practice. Organize Calc binder. Cleaning and Laundry. Walk with the Beast around Savage Mill forest area. I just really hope I can go out with Bill tonight: it's his birthday. (EDIT://Didn't get to and that sucked, but we talked on the phone for almost an hour last night. That was groovy. ANOTHER EDIT: Finished all of my homework yesterday. I love you Orri! You rox my sox.)

Sunday: Work. College fair 1-4.  (ONE MORE EDIT// I've decided I'm not going to college. Way too stressful. I'll work at Barnes and Noble and write books part time. That's the plan.)

Yeah, basically, I'm screwed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRINCE OF DENMARK. Not that you read this, for if you did, I would've been screwed a long time ago....

Soooo...basically, Sunday kicked ass. Because I went on a date. With Bill. And it went....exceedingly well. Even with the little glitch with my mother. But now I'm confused. And kind of hurt. Because it's like....nothing's different. I mean, true, I wasn't expecting the whole world to shift and be perfect and sparkling....but I was sort of expecting that he would atleast, like, acknowledge me differently. But....I don't know. Maybe he's not really interested and it didn't really mean anything. I don't know. I'm just so tired.

Anyways. New poem. Don't really know about....anything. So. Stuff. Enjoy, I guess. It's not great. But it's not dreadful (I hope).

"Searching"

And so with gentle padding

Soft-spoken footsteps that none before could hear

You listen into the darkness

For the one who promised to let you near

The crimson lies of the past slink silently away

You watch them go with no regrets

This is a new chapter, one with no boundaries

You lay down your money and make your bets

She’s watching you with a sweet, velveteen allure

What it is that dances in her eyes, you never were sure.

Everything that you’re not, everything that you might grow to be

Is shining through her soul, like light through the leaves of the tree.

Shadows are cast, but you no longer fear their enigma

They are a part of the scenery, passing you swiftly by

Shedding the weight and burden that sunk into and poisoned your skin

Mollifying its livid touch forged new wings that encourage you to fly.

Seasons change and the rosebuds unfurl in gentle waves

The same that lap at your toes in the saffron sand

Never before have you dared to bring someone this close

To watch as you gingerly held your heart in your hand

And that she wraps her fingers around yours

And closes them back around to hold it ever more

You know that she is the one from your flailing dreams

The one that you’ve been searching for.

Neeeewwwww Poem....I know you all must've been holding your breath in wonder about it...Sorry to make you wait. I think it's gooooood. No title yet. Short and structured which is very much not me. But it seems like so little is nowadays.

Farce.

The word rings out above the hollowed faces of the crowd.

Within my ears, the buzzing shrieks, far too loud.

I’ve betrayed them all with my lightning wit.

If only I could also betray this lingering pit

The same that stations within my stomach, digging oh-so deep

Determined to deprive me of my soul refuge: a single night’s sleep.

No scar did I mean to sear into your heart

Do not hide behind a false innocence: you too played a part

In the destruction of something pure,

The destruction of something sure

You meant what you said and you did what you meant

Leaving me tired beyond comparison, every morsel of energy spent.

Yet you lay there in quiet serenity, knowing that she loves you still

Knowing that so long as my heart betrays me, I’m under your will.

You play this game with the knowledge of eons past under your skin

You condemn others in an attempt to wash clean your own flagrant sin.

But if the Lord above does not find you and reprimand with just rewards

The witches have their own secrets, and they will have their say in hordes.

And so, with regard to your wellbeing, the same that smote me well

I do love and beg of you, remain this way, lest your soul be tricked and sent to hell

Sparse.